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Submitted on
December 7, 2012
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i've decided to breathe poison.

i don't like the way it tastes,
the bitter stain on my tongue
or the telling smell that sticks to my hair

i like the way it feels
lighting one cigarette with another,
ash falling to the damp earth,
melting in to nutrient-rich soil for the plants to eat

i control how deep
the smoke buries itself in my lungs
but not how long it settles there

and i enjoy the hazy
silhouette of euphoria
that comes with each grey exhale.
Any thoughts? Critique?
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:iconzadesumagu:
zadesumagu Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
wow the discription of your writing is amazing
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:iconabsolutelyridiculous:
AbsolutelyRidiculous Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
While I'm not myself a smoker, I feel like this gives me a slightly better understanding of those who do choose to smoke. It's beautifully written, and I especially love the first line - "I've decided to breathe poison."
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:iconpaul1820:
paul1820 Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
you have captured the essence of the only bad habit I have...lol
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Writer
I do very much love smoking. :heart:

Oscar Wilde said the cigarette is the perfect pleasure because it leaves one feeling unsatisfied.
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:iconpaul1820:
paul1820 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
True.. writers have always smoked,..what I find is if you are working out a problem, especially math or science,that cigarette helps you focus, its terrible that something so bad for you helps you work out difficult problems, its the only habit I ever had that I have tried unsuccessfully to get rid of time and time again
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Student Writer
I feel the same way, though I haven't tried to get rid of it just yet. I don't intend on smoking cigarettes for the rest of my life. If I ever have children, I will give up smoking before conception of the first planned child.
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:iconkaiserwolff:
KaiserWolff Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
i really like this poem and i can see the literal meaning quite clearly, though the figurative i can't - if there even is one.
however, i love love love the imagery, especially "lighting one cigarette with another, ash falling to the damp earth..." pretty much the whole second stanza, really.
i don't even smoke and have never had a cigarette but damn, this poem's good.
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:iconsniper0092:
Sniper0092 Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Jesus, that sounds horrible. LOL, Good job.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you. :)
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:iconjchrispole:
Jchrispole Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2013
Ok, so this is my synergy critique:

the first line, I've decided to breathe poison, really had a bite to it. It think it really represents the idea of smoking. Each of the paragraphs contains a subject, which is always good in a short poem. the first being about what you don't like, the second being what you do, the third referring to what you can control, and the forth explaining the overall reason for smoking. I also like how in a way to passively negating smoking. I am not sure if you really have an issue with smoking, but if you do, I can tell that this came from heart. Or somewhere close to that at least. This story has a frustrated mood to it, like you know its bad for you but you still like it. I like stories that make the reader feel an emotion just because they connect with the words.
Now, of course, there isn't much I can tell you to improve on. I am no expert at free verse. It could have had an extra paragraph as a ending. Sort of a closer to bring the point together, i don't know. I just feel like the last line is an abrupt end, but maybe thats just me. that's about it for the negative feedback. All in all, its still a great poem.
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