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i've decided to breathe poison.

i don't like the way it tastes,
the bitter stain on my tongue
or the telling smell that sticks to my hair

i like the way it feels
lighting one cigarette with another,
ash falling to the damp earth,
melting in to nutrient-rich soil for the plants to eat

i control how deep
the smoke buries itself in my lungs
but not how long it settles there

and i enjoy the hazy
silhouette of euphoria
that comes with each grey exhale.
Any thoughts? Critique?
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:iconzadesumagu:
zadesumagu Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
wow the discription of your writing is amazing
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:iconabsolutelyridiculous:
AbsolutelyRidiculous Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
While I'm not myself a smoker, I feel like this gives me a slightly better understanding of those who do choose to smoke. It's beautifully written, and I especially love the first line - "I've decided to breathe poison."
Reply
:iconpaul1820:
paul1820 Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
you have captured the essence of the only bad habit I have...lol
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2013  Student Writer
I do very much love smoking. :heart:

Oscar Wilde said the cigarette is the perfect pleasure because it leaves one feeling unsatisfied.
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:iconpaul1820:
paul1820 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
True.. writers have always smoked,..what I find is if you are working out a problem, especially math or science,that cigarette helps you focus, its terrible that something so bad for you helps you work out difficult problems, its the only habit I ever had that I have tried unsuccessfully to get rid of time and time again
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2013  Student Writer
I feel the same way, though I haven't tried to get rid of it just yet. I don't intend on smoking cigarettes for the rest of my life. If I ever have children, I will give up smoking before conception of the first planned child.
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:iconkaiserwolff:
KaiserWolff Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
i really like this poem and i can see the literal meaning quite clearly, though the figurative i can't - if there even is one.
however, i love love love the imagery, especially "lighting one cigarette with another, ash falling to the damp earth..." pretty much the whole second stanza, really.
i don't even smoke and have never had a cigarette but damn, this poem's good.
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:iconsniper0092:
Sniper0092 Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Jesus, that sounds horrible. LOL, Good job.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you. :)
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:iconjchrispole:
Jchrispole Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2013
Ok, so this is my synergy critique:

the first line, I've decided to breathe poison, really had a bite to it. It think it really represents the idea of smoking. Each of the paragraphs contains a subject, which is always good in a short poem. the first being about what you don't like, the second being what you do, the third referring to what you can control, and the forth explaining the overall reason for smoking. I also like how in a way to passively negating smoking. I am not sure if you really have an issue with smoking, but if you do, I can tell that this came from heart. Or somewhere close to that at least. This story has a frustrated mood to it, like you know its bad for you but you still like it. I like stories that make the reader feel an emotion just because they connect with the words.
Now, of course, there isn't much I can tell you to improve on. I am no expert at free verse. It could have had an extra paragraph as a ending. Sort of a closer to bring the point together, i don't know. I just feel like the last line is an abrupt end, but maybe thats just me. that's about it for the negative feedback. All in all, its still a great poem.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks for the feedback. :)

I love smoking cigarettes, even though they're bad for me. But my fiance hates them. He's always complaining to me about it. He wants me to quit. I don't want to because smoking helps me deal with my anxiety problems.

I roll my own cigarettes and smoke only organic tobacco. It's much more expensive, but I think it's worth it to smoke something natural, that doesn't have bleach and rat poison and paint thinner added to it.
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:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013   Writer
I think this whole poem is perfect, and so eloquently written. What a fine job. :la:
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you for taking the time to read an leave a comment. :meow:
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:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013   Writer
You're very welcome! (:
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:iconmagnifulouschicken:
magnifulouschicken Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I love the last line. It concludes the poem well.
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:iconkichoutenshi:
KichouTenshi Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Student Artist
I like the imagery you created. The way the last stanza starts with and makes me think there was a pause between the last and almost last stanza, like the speaker was smoking while talking and had taken a pause to inhale and exhale a breath of smoke before continuing the poem.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Student Writer
Interesting thoughts. :)

Thank you for taking the time to read my poetry and comment. :meow:
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:iconkichoutenshi:
KichouTenshi Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Student Artist
You're welcome, I enjoyed reading it :clap:
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:iconiampoetry:
iamPoetry Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
First I have read of yours and I'm sticking around.
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you! :heart:
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:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012
your work has been featured here: [link] please go check out the other pieces & have a nice day :heart:
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Student Writer
Wow! I'm so flattered! Thank you! :heart::meow:
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:iconthedarkenedbride:
TheDarkenedBride Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
of the poems you currently have in your gallery this one is my favourite, for it sounds sincere, the plot seems thought over, the way you put it shows your personal style and it's not overly complicated - it's a fine piece of contemporary poetry :iconclapplz:
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you. :meow:
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:iconthedarkenedbride:
TheDarkenedBride Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
my pleasure :)
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:iconcoffeetoffeesquirrel:
CoffeeToffeeSquirrel Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012   General Artist
I like this. I can easily relate to it. I'm grown up among smokers, and I was a smoker myself before I quitted. You put down in a few words why smoking still looks appealing to some people. I like how you 'paint a picture' with words, still I agree with Blackflamevampire, the flow could be a bit better. I feel the flow breaks when I read the third verse, but it comes back again in the fourth and fifth verse. I hope this makes sense? :)
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks for your input. I appreciate it. :)
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:iconcoffeetoffeesquirrel:
CoffeeToffeeSquirrel Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012   General Artist
Welcome, dear. It's a long time since I've read and critized a poem, I've missed it:)
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:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Student Writer
It feels good, doesn't it? :)
Reply
:iconcoffeetoffeesquirrel:
CoffeeToffeeSquirrel Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012   General Artist
It does:)
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:iconblackflamevampire:
BlackFlameVampire Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I love the imagery you have here.
Even though I've been around smokers my whole life I can see through the eyes of someone who hasn't. I have an excellent image in my mind of exactly what the words are forming.

The flow could be a little better. It's a little choppy at some parts, but all in all it's very good.
Reply
:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. :)
Reply
:iconblackflamevampire:
BlackFlameVampire Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
No problem~ ^,...,^
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