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with inner
racehorses quivering

i hide behind
tobacco walls
                                                        a brittle spell which smells
                                                        of ash and sunlight

blank desire sires
          fever in my bones

i run
clutching cherished blinders
                                                        the warm earth is alien
                                                        between my toes

              swallow me

call back later
all of my lines are busy

                                                        to stand up, i haven't
                                                        got the--
I have anxiety, so this is me trying to describe what it's like. Let me know if I've succeeded, please. :)
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DannyMechanist Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

:devpoeticalconditions: critique

well .... *rereads the poem* I really did not get it the first time through but then after reading the description I got why it was so random ... well done, the diction is solid and the randomness of it reminisces of panic and disorder so *claps* bravo for this accurate description of discord

DannyMechanist Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
ssensory Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2013   Writer
When I first read this through, I didn't really like how the lines were spaced out (mostly because I'm not used to something like this), however after the second read and the artist's comments in mind, I think it's perfect. It reminds me of a panic attack; you're trying really hard to get these words out and it's just so difficult to breathe between each line and sometimes you say things before you mean to (example: last two stanzas) because you're just trying to get everything out. There is so much beauty in this poem, and I adore it for the content, meaning, imagery, voice...I can't quite find any suggestions to give you. You started this poem off with a really interesting and captivating stanza and ended it on such an interesting note. I think the end really left me breathless. You really did succeed on writing about anxiety in my opinion. I don't have it but I do get panic attacks and it is so much like this... Wonderful poem. 
witwitch Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much for the lovely comment! :heart:

It's so good to hear I've succeeded in my intentions. :meow:
ssensory Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2013   Writer
You're very welcome! :la:
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Words by ArikaRinkishika

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Submitted on
November 24, 2013
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