Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconwitwitch: More from witwitch


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
November 24, 2013
File Size
944 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
172
Favourites
7 (who?)
Comments
5

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
with inner
racehorses quivering
                        quivering
                                quivering

i hide behind
tobacco walls
                  (smoke)
                                                        a brittle spell which smells
                                                        of ash and sunlight


blank desire sires
                                         wild
          fever in my bones

i run
clutching cherished blinders
                                    (chased)
                                                        the warm earth is alien
                                                        between my toes

moonquakes
              swallow me
                            whole

call back later
all of my lines are busy
                               (nerves)

                                                        to stand up, i haven't
                                                        got the--
I have anxiety, so this is me trying to describe what it's like. Let me know if I've succeeded, please. :)
Add a Comment:
 
:icondannymechanist:
DannyMechanist Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

:devpoeticalconditions: critique

well .... *rereads the poem* I really did not get it the first time through but then after reading the description I got why it was so random ... well done, the diction is solid and the randomness of it reminisces of panic and disorder so *claps* bravo for this accurate description of discord

Reply
:icondannymechanist:
DannyMechanist Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2013  Student Writer
When I first read this through, I didn't really like how the lines were spaced out (mostly because I'm not used to something like this), however after the second read and the artist's comments in mind, I think it's perfect. It reminds me of a panic attack; you're trying really hard to get these words out and it's just so difficult to breathe between each line and sometimes you say things before you mean to (example: last two stanzas) because you're just trying to get everything out. There is so much beauty in this poem, and I adore it for the content, meaning, imagery, voice...I can't quite find any suggestions to give you. You started this poem off with a really interesting and captivating stanza and ended it on such an interesting note. I think the end really left me breathless. You really did succeed on writing about anxiety in my opinion. I don't have it but I do get panic attacks and it is so much like this... Wonderful poem. 
Reply
:iconwitwitch:
witwitch Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much for the lovely comment! :heart:

It's so good to hear I've succeeded in my intentions. :meow:
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2013  Student Writer
You're very welcome! :la:
Reply
Add a Comment: